Have you ever wondered what your life would be like and who you could become if you could just find the time to truly focus on yourself? If you’re anything like me, this question has absolutely plagued you. I would spend countless minutes and hours tearing myself apart and wondering ‘what if’.
Then, I got sober and it was like a lightbulb went off. This one act, which at the time seemed so insignificant, shifted my perspective just enough to spark a journey that would change everything. I discussed my sobriety in a previous blog post (you can read more about that here) and how questioning my relationship with alcohol led to me questioning so many other things in my life.
Dating apps, dating in general, the way I was moving my body, my relationship with my body, both platonic and romantic relationships; nothing was off the table and I was questioning all of it and so much more. Once I started analyzing these varying aspects of my life I realized that there was so much that I was doing in my day-to-day because I felt like I should and not because I actually wanted to.
With all of these questions buzzing through my brain, I asked myself the final, and arguably most important, one. What if I gave myself a year, just 365 days, to focus on myself, on growth, on healing?
My brain wouldn’t let go of that question. In the past, it was something that would flit in and out of my mind quickly, nothing but a passing thought. This time, however, was different. So, I decided that is exactly what I wanted to do.
I knew I wanted to document my journey but, I wasn’t sure how. I mean, I’m a writer so I toyed around with the idea of bringing back the blog. But, that didn’t feel right. Finally, I landed on taking to TikTok, and on October 25, 2021, I made my very first vlog-style post in what I decided to call my Year of Me.
In my first video, I explained my relationship with alcohol and how it sparked my idea to dedicate the next 365 days to myself. I declared, loudly and proudly might I add, that I was swearing off dating, deleting the apps, and only chasing things that fuel my soul and assisted my healing over the course of the next year. As of today, that video is sitting at around 650K views and overnight I amassed a small, but not insignificant, following.
At the time I’m writing this video, I’m on day 282 of my Year of Me and, it’s safe to say that I’m in the home stretch. With under 100 days to go, I’m so incredibly happy that I decided to document my journey the way that I did. Who I am as a person has changed so much throughout the last ~280 days and, it stands to reason that my journey has changed as well.
I love being able to go back and watch my early videos. I can listen to myself talk and reflect on exactly where I was at in that moment, watch as I grew more confident discussing issues near and dear to my heart, and also watch as I’ve grown more sure of myself in general. Over the past 282 days, I’ve been able to watch myself find my voice.
As my community and audience have grown across varying social media platforms, I’ve gotten a lot of questions surrounding my journey; the most frequent being ‘has it been easy’ (no), ‘has it been worth it’ (absolutely), and, ‘what advice do you have for anyone wanting to start on their own Year of Me journey’?
At the beginning of all of this, I was pretty much just fumbling through it each day. So, I have plenty of advice for anyone wanting to embark on this journey as well.
1. Advocate for yourself from the jump and check in with yourself often.
Since my very first video got so much traction and, I was figuring all this stuff out from scratch, it got pretty overwhelming pretty quickly. While it was amazing to see connections being formed in my comment section, and it was so humbling and fantastic to have people reach out to share their own journeys and ask for advice - it was also quite discombobulating at first. All of a sudden I felt like I was living my life in front of tens of thousands of eyes and, in a way, I was. Which was terrifying and made me feel like I needed to be “on” all the time. This led to some pretty bad burnout a little over six months in and I had to take a considerable bit of time off from posting. Which sucked because adore sharing my journey with others and, had I checked in with myself a little more and listened to myself when I was getting overwhelmed I don’t think I would have needed to take as much of an extended break as I did.
2. Document your journey.
It’s incredibly hard to see the changes in yourself and your mindset when they’re happening so marginally. And, it doesn’t matter if you’re documenting via TikTok, IG, writing in a journal, or typing it all up in Google docs - just make sure that you have each day documented. Not only will this give you an archive to go back and see the progress that you’re making but, it will allow you to more easily check in with yourself as we discussed above.
3. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
People have said things like this to me in the past but, this is the first time where those words really sank in. My biggest lesson thus far is that growth can really, really suck and, at times it is incredibly uncomfortable. The type of soul searching I needed to do to make the progress I wanted to make led to some very intense emotions. If you can name it, I’ve probably felt it over the last 282 days. But, I’ll throw another corny but incredibly valid phrase at you, you have to feel it to heal it.
4. Give yourself grace.
Not every day is going to be a winner. Since I decided vlog-style videos were the way I wanted to share my journey, I went into this thinking I wanted to share beautiful, aesthetic videos that depicted me growing and learning and emitted a feeling of overall peace. I’m here to tell you that couldn’t be further from the truth. More often than not, it was me getting clips of my breakdowns, doing laundry, and before and after shots from my therapy sessions. It has been chaotic and messy and so incredibly different than what I had originally pictured. But, it’s also been more real than I ever could have dreamed. And giving myself the grace to make mistakes along the way and not be too hard on myself when they happened is one of the primary reasons why I’ve learned and grown as much as I have.
5. Know that your journey is going to change just as much as you are.
I know I touched on this a little bit in number 4 but, my journey now is very different than what it was in the beginning. And, that is entirely OK. There’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ for growing and finding yourself. Your journey should be as unique as you are, and you should be able to allow it to change with you. My needs and how I want to share the way I’m healing and the things that I’m learning have changed so many times since I first pressed “post” on day 1. And providing the space for it to adapt has also allowed me to remain incredibly authentic to who I am and how I’m choosing to share in that very moment.
There are about a thousand more bullet points that I could give you and, honestly, I could sit here and talk about this journey for hours. It’s become something I’m incredibly passionate about. In later blog posts, I’ll go into more detail about the lessons I’ve learned and all of the (many) ways I’ve changed. But, for now, I’ll just leave you with the five most important pieces of advice that I’ve outlined above.
This journey isn’t an easy one, it isn’t even always a pretty one… but it is a magical one. And so far, it has been infinitely worth it.